Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Happy... {an announcement}

Sooooooonic... ok... you eat strange things when you're expecting...

Happy...

Fair Warning!  If you don’t like vocabulary related to femininity, you can click away or just skip this one for now!;)

My anxiety was fairly high that night. I had just finished listening to an epic Jennifer Fulwiler show on podcast, where she helped Hallie Lord announce the start of her new radio show, and the release of her book, On the Other Side of Fear.

I had been really, really emotional the week before. Like: crying every single day for a week. Fighting and crying non-stop to Stephen. Calling friends I hadn't talked to in weeks sobbing, telling them to pray for me because I didn't know why I was so tired, why Stephen and I couldn't stop fighting, and why I couldn't get any housework done. (Go figure).

I had had pasta for dinner, but the thought of it started to bother me.  I was a little worried, because I was a little late in starting my scheduled period, but I kept having nausea and saying to myself, "False alarm."

I had gotten so much done that weekend. In two days, I had mopped, vacuumed the entire house, and done about fifteen loads of laundry- AND I put it away.  I thought I was exhausted, so when I couldn't fall asleep because of my "gas," I got up and ordered a copy of Hallie's book.

Then I went outside and threw up. Twice.

We had a plan. No babies for at least three years. No. babies.  Because I was so done with all that, right ("Haha," God laughed).

Then I paced the inside, going back and forth in my head until I knew that this nervous feeling wasn't the panic attacks that had become semi-regularly (Bi-monthly or so). This was something different and I was just hoping it was good different.

"Ok, I just threw up outside twice, " I said to myself. "If that doesn't say 'your typical, oh-so-typical, stereotypical Catholic mother of five children... " then I don't know what it does say.  I could just imagine our neighbors looking outside and saying, "I just looked out my window and saw her throw-up, twice... I wonder what that could mean...LOL..."

And with the dawning light exploding in my brain, I ran to the store praying, "Please let it be the pasta."  I bought Pedialyte and a pregnancy test, and drank the Pedialyte all the way home to combat my nausea. Then, within ten minutes I knew.

Yep, I'm pregnant.

This baby will be 21 months younger than Annabel. {Insert not enough of a break sigh here}. Two years apart in school.

I went up to our bedroom, pacing, trying to decide whether or not to wake Stephen. When I told him, he smiled. He sat up, or sort of rolled over, Smiled at me. "Maybe it's another boy," he said. I said, "I know. I'm just so scared. I'm in shock. This wasn't our plan."
He said, "We've done it five times before.... it will be ok."

 I tried to settle into bed, my relief of having shared the news settling and my anxiety dissipating. It felt like a nervous weight had definitely been lifted... even though Stephen and I were the only ones in the world who knew (and who would know for quite a while). His reassurance, that "We've done this before- in fact, five times before," was so reassuring. When you are open to life, miracles await you around every corner. Every single dang corner.

As I was drifting off to sleep, he nudged me and said, "Now I can't sleep."  At that, I got up, went to the bathroom, and threw up two more times.

The next morning, I felt totally fine.  And as the verse says, "Sorrow may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning." All the night before, I just kept thinking about how sick I felt and how awful this was. I was worried about another human to care for. But mostly just worried about the gestating part where I get uncomfortable and large. lol I was feeling very, very, very sorry for myself. I kept repeating, "I can't do this for nine months."

But in the morning, I calculated and realized I had already done 6 weeks of pregnancy. (I am now 15 weeks.) How did I do that? I wondered. I thought about Stephen smiling in bed next to me. Smiling and smiling. We both couldn't stop smiling.  I thought about a sixth baby. A baby. Sweetness.

I felt this sudden rush and this was my thought: who cares how many there are? (Yes, that's what I thought, even though you are now probably picturing flies on their noses). God will provide if we need more space, a new car. God will provide and gosh,  it's a baby. A sweet, precious baby. I think when we had just one baby, and we weren't Catholic, we used to say, "What if we didn't believe in birth control?..."   How out- of- control our lives would be!" And now, I think, "What if we *did* believe in birth control?" Most of our little one and this baby wouldn't be here at all. Our yes to God confirms that no baby is an accident.

Every child is a gift, created intentionally by God, at the perfect time. Yes, we believe that. Yes, it can be hard, but yes to this. Yes to this.

Whatever will be will be... we're blessed and God provides and the rest is horse cr*p.

Yeah....

 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My peace I leave you, my peace I give you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

And so the middle of May... probably the 13th. I'm now almost 15 weeks and in my Second Trimester. Yay! We're pregnant. (again) Time to celebrate by drinking my thousandth La Croix this week. ;)


...and happy thanksgiving. ;-)

Linking up with Tuesday Talk

4 comments:

Michele Morin said...

Oh, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU!
So happy for you and your family!

Tacy said...

Thank you Michele!

Sarita @ it's my girls' world said...

Oh wow!!! COngrats to you and your family!

Tacy said...

Thank you Sarita!:-)