Monday, February 16, 2015

Weekly Minutiae vol. 11~ Unfortunate Events, and Valentine's Day

~Warning: some words in this story may be graphic or hard to read! If you don't like birth stories, you probably will not take a liking to this story (although it is not a birth story FYI).~

On Wednesday, I went to Kmart. I was pulling through the Wendy's drive thru just after that, when all of a sudden, I felt a warm burst pooling underneath me. I was scared. I immediately put a stack of napkins in my seat, but by the time we got home, it was soaked.  I spent the rest of the day waiting.. but fortunately, the bleeding tapered off and stopped by Thursday morning.

On Thursday morning, I had an urgent appointment with my Ob-Gyn to get an ultrasound and find out what had happened (and what was going to happen.)  It was scary waiting for that appointment. I was hoping to sleep well, and slept well the night before, and the bleeding continued but slowed down to minimal or next to nothing. But I knew that what I was experiencing was odd and strange.

The doctor's office told me on Wednesday that I should visit the ER if the bleeding continued heavily, or if I soaked through two pads in an hour. I immediately emailed my old midwife from Maryland, as well as my best childhood friend who is a midwife in Oklahoma, to get a second and third opinion. I didn't want to go the ER if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

Talking to my friend, I decided to stay home because the bleeding had tapered off almost completely.  I rested, took two pain pills, worried that the minimal pain I experienced would increase, and I called Stephen. He came home and then took the kids to pick up Molly from school while I rested and watched Netflix.

From the discussion with my friend, as well as judging from the email I received from my MD midwife, I had fully prepared myself for a safe, at-home miscarriage. The blow was heavy. I cried several times.

I set up childcare for the next day and asked my Mother-in-law to help care for the kiddos.

When I went into the doctor’s, she immediately asked me a bunch of questions, did an exam, and announced hopefully that my cervix was in tact, which was, according to her, “a very good sign.”  She asked if I felt pregnant. I said I wasn't sure. They did an ultrasound and drew blood. Waiting for that ultrasound could have been the longest, scariest thirty or forty-five minutes of my life.

They did the ultrasound, and after about five minutes of checking, they turned on the sound- a loud, strong heartbeat!  Honestly, I was shocked. I was in shock. When the hemorrhage had happened, after feeling tired all morning (and more often than not, in general), I felt really awake, which I assumed was a bad sign. I had already gotten all of my tears out at home- and crying in exam rooms has never been my thing— too sterile and cold!  But I just kept saying, “Oh, good...oh, good.” It was a big scare, I’ll be honest. I think the "awake" feeling was because of nerves.

The doctor told me my diagnosis: a subchorionic hemorrhage. I hoped I would never have to write or remember how to spell those words. But now I know how.

I honestly will never be able to look at pregnancy and the gift of life the same way again.  I was confident that we had lost this baby. It was terrifying, because the thought of losing a baby had never been this close to hitting home. I've never previously despaired of things turning out well. Now I know how it feels.

I’m sorry to be so dramatic on you today, but that’s just what’s been going on for us this past week! We were so glad to have that behind us for Valentine's Day.

Some pictures from Valentine's Day....

For our Valentine's date, the kids were with their grands, so we made an amazing home-cooked meal together- Roasted Pork (using this yumyumyumyumyum) with raisins and pine nuts, roasted carrots, mashed potatoes, and a salad....all except the salad, inspired from this picture I cut out from the newspaper. Then we attempted a to make a dessert together- Chocolate Pots de Creme, and watched one of my all-time favorite movies  Reality Bites (added to my new Pinterest board, Movies Worth Watching). I know, I know, don't judge. (!!!) It has some seedy characters, but it is such a good soundtrack and an amazing screenplay. I had a blast re-watching it.  :-)  haha. All in all, such a fun night.

The Valentine's dessert turned out a little runny. I'm not experienced in the way of custard-type desserts.... so, sad. We discussed where we went wrong... I think it was the fact that we didn't stir the coconut milk first, and we only let it boil for a second. Apparently, custards require that the milk boil for 2-3 minutes. We also tried doing it with sweetened pieces of dark chocolate, which apparently is a no-no according to a friend of mine who is a cooking wizard genius. So, we drizzled our chocolateness over the raspberries!

This is from brunch at the Camphouse together, sans kids. I had the Hot Goat Waffles; apples and goat cheese with bacon and warm syrup on waffles. So yummy, and so nice to eat a big meal that you didn't have to cook!
On Valentine's Day, I saw our kittens snuggled up together taking a nap. Swoon- so sweet!

We rounded out the fun weekend with a trip to McKay bookstore. SO.MUCH.FUN. I was remiss not to have bought the kids anything for Valentine's Day yet, so I remedied that with a stack of books and some candy! :0) See, we recovered from a poorly made custard.

I'm feeling thankful and deeply grateful for the life within me, considering what could have happened. What's been going on in your week?

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Jenna@CallHerHappy said...

Goodness! So glad to hear that everything is wonderful for you this week! Praise God!

Prayers for a continued healthy pregnancy :)

Jenny Cook said...

So glad to hear that the littlest Beck is okay. Thank you, Jesus! And that goat cheese waffle looked fantastic!

Laura {a spoonful of joy} said...

Wow, I'm so sorry for the ordeal you had to go through but happy to hear all is well. We have been very blest with no miscarriages so far but I am sure the stress and uncertainty must be awful!

Sounds like you had a wonderful Valentine's Day! Your dinner looks/sounds delicious!

lindsay nash schuil said...

So glad all is ok Tacy. I miscarried about 7 weeks into my first pregnancy and even though it was still early, it was absolutely devastating. I'm so thankful to have a healthy baby boy today just over a year later! I hope all the best for you friend.

Julie Walsh said...

I'm sorry you had that fright, but so glad the baby turned out to be safe. May your pregnancy be utterly boring from here out.

Tacy said...

Thanks ladies! Jenna, Jenny, Laura, Lindsay, Julie! I'm so thankful that it was just a scare. Your prayers and words of encouragement have been an awesome uplifter. Here's hoping these prayers work and it doesn't happen again this pregnancy.

Cristina said...

I'm so glad everything is okay! This last pregnancy my midwife couldn't find a heartbeat at my 18 week appointment and I went into a fit of ugly crying until she ran for the ultrasound machine and confirmed that everything was indeed fine. I wish I didn't cry at doctor's offices but if I find myself unexpectedly sad or angry it's pretty much a given :)